Chronicle V | Katy Kingston

She was tall, blonde, tan, athletic, beautiful, and arrogant confident.  He was interested in her at the same time I was wooing him a year earlier.  But I was long before jealous of her, mostly because I just felt unworthy to exist in the same space she did.

(start with Chronicle I | Wedding Night Rookies)

Once I apologized to her for having ill-feelings towards her.  Her response?  She stood up, all six feet looming over my seated pathetic frame (“short people got no reason to live” by Randy Newman comes to mind), said, “I can be pretty intimidating”, flipped her hair, turned around, and walked away.  I was left in a stupor.  Did I just apologize?  And did she did she really just say that and walk away?*

It was in fact though from her house that Chad’s and my relationship started.  A small group of us drove out on the dirt road to her parent’s rural home.  Chad and I got left alone out on the front porch underneath the stars while the rest of the bunch went on a little farm tour with Katy and flashlights.  I couldn’t have orchestrated it any better.

Though awkward, it was exciting to be alone with Chad on that clear crisp night.  I can’t remember what we talked about, but I do remember the feeling of all those butterflies in my stomach, his coy smile, and kicking a soccer ball around.  I also remember feeling like I could compete with Katy for the first time.

When I offered to drive one of the girls home, Chad suggested that he follow me to my house, drop off my car, and that we take her home together in his car since we had to drive right by my house anyways.  This was a good sign.  A very good sign.  This also meant a car ride alone with him on the way back.

It was 1:30am when we got back to my house.

“Are you tired?” I stupidly asked.

“Yeah, but I don’t want to go home!”

So I invited him inside and that was when we planned our first date.

But alas, a year later, we were talking about Katy Kingston again.

It was the night before our one year anniversary together.  We were in our usual hang out space in the loft eating Chinese take out on the shag ‘pizza carpet’ as we called it, with candles and all, celebrating our year together.  We were reminiscing about the times that led up to our first date.

“Speaking of Katy…” he began.

“I can’t believe you are doing this tonight of all nights!” I choked out behind my tears.

He said he’d always wondered if there could have been anything there.

In my now 17-year-old mind I wondered, in some 17-year-old way, has he been in the same relationship I have been in the past year?  How could he want anything else?!

It was me who actually persuaded him to talk to her and go out with her.  I wanted this fascination with Katy Kingston to be over with and the only way that would happen, I knew, was if he actually dated her.  I didn’t think she had the kind of depth that I knew Chad was attracted to.

Technically we broke up that night, but continued to see each other – just with less regularity.  This gave him the freedom to get Katy out of his system.  But five months went by still without him asking her out, and darn it, I was frustrated!  So I pressed the issue in an effort to get him moving, one way or the other.

I can’t say it better than my original journal entry after it happened…

 93-12-30 Journal Entry Page 1Yes, there was a party for me, like my third “surprise” party in a row.  What the hell was I thinking and doing being ‘real sad’?

18th Surprise Birthday Partymy surprise 18th birthday party – sitting with my only two (and wonderful) friends
from high school before I went on Independent Study
and my mom’s creepy dolls to the right in the background ;-) 

93-12-30 Journal Entry Pages 2 and 3December 30th, 1993 Journal Entry, Pages 2 and 3
{On Sunday the 19th we really broke up.  Earlier that day a bunch of us went out to lunch.  I saw Chad writing out directions to  his apartment and he gave them to Katy.  I was devastated although I tried not to let on.  She and _____ took off to meet him there.  I drove he and I (eek, improper grammar!!) so he was rushing me saying, “I gotta go cuz they’re gonna be there.”  So I had to drive him there and drop him off with Katy waiting at the door.  So then he came over to my house in the evening and he told me he’d rather start something new with her than patch things up with me.  God that killed me.  Even as I write I cry about it.  So I told him that I thought we should only see each other once a week.  Truth is I’d rather not see him at all or talk to him at all.  It’s just too hard.  Last night he came over and we exchanged gifts (Christmas gifts) and for me it was so hard knowing that he wants to be with Katy.  It scares me to think about them possibly sharing even half of what him + I (eek, again!) shared.  It makes me sick.  I know that she won’t be half of what I was to him though.  Just by knowing the little that I do know about her.  I do want Chad to experience some time with her though.  That way if he comes back to me it will make me all the more sure he loves me.  If he stays with…}

93-12-30 Journal Entry Page 4December 30, 1993 Journal Entry, Page 4
Yes, five-and-a-half years later, we would be married, but not reading this together.

Heavenly Poem 1992The first poem I wrote for Chad in 1992.  I left it on the desk in his bedroom to find.  I think his mom found it first and though I was so embarrassed about it, she mentioned to Chad that she thought it was really nice, or something like that.

1992 Doodle~My silly doodle.  The parts that are blurred out are just way too silly to share, that’s all,
nothing shady or obscene, just too silly for my level of comfort to share!  What a total freak I was am.
~Um, please forgive my improper use of the word ‘dear’ ;-)
~Yes, we called each other ‘Buddy’, among a plethora of other nicknames 

1993 self portrait 1993: two kids in love whose first year of bliss was coming to an end

*Note to reader:

Before judging Katy, try being a beautiful bombshell supermodel at sixteen.  I mean, can you imagine living with all the jealousy and misdirected hate projected at you from your peers?  We all have our challenges growing up, and believe it or not, beauty was hers.  Sometimes I think the awkward ducks think being beautiful would fix all of their problems.  Not so.  The pretty people have to prove just as much as the odd ducks that they are more than their outer package.

And for the record, Katy and I became friends years later and would remain in each other’s lives for years – just in a very different way than you would expect, or we certainly ever expected.  To this day, I have a special love and respect for her.  That arrogance I once saw in her changed for me into a confidence that has served her well in life.  I will always regard her as a strong and courageous woman.

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